Worry is the hidden thief of life because it steals our time, energy, and joy. We can't think positive and negative thoughts at the same time, as one will cancel out the other. When we worry, it steals and consumes our thoughts, decreases our health, and limits our ability to enjoy happiness.
Have you heard the phrase, “You find what you look for?”
If we look for hope, we find it, even in the face of trauma or difficulty. If we look for good in ourselves and others, we will find it, even during difficult times. If we worry, we open the door to it and its destructive siblings: hopelessness, fear, anxiety, anger, depression, ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, nausea, and unhappiness.
It’s the reason counselors and mental health professionals advise their clients to focus on the positive rather than the negative and to make plans and set goals to move forward rather than step into the sinking sands of the worry trap.
Our thoughts impact our brains, which impacts our mental health, which impacts us physically and mentally. Positive thinking is a win-win-win situation in our lives and our mental and physical health. Worry is not.
Worry is when we dwell on difficulty or troubles constantly. When we worry, it "feels" as if we are doing something, figuring something out, or preparing for the unseen future. But what we are doing is overloading our brains, losing focus of life’s joys, and wasting time (i.e., life) planning for a million different scenarios that will most likely never occur.
Worry won't make you pass that upcoming test, but preparing and studying for it and seeking tutoring might. Worrying about your weight won't make you more fit, but making a plan to slowly begin to exercise, stretch, eat better, and get support to reach your weight goals might be just what you need. Worrying about a relationship won't make it better, but getting help from books, counselors, friends or mentors might help you make the changes needed to improve that relationship. Instead of being constructive, worrying would probably cause you to instead binge eat or seek comfort food to feel better rather than making a plan. Worrying might keep you up at night so you are so tired you can't think straight and fail that test. Worrying about that relationship may make you pull away from, or cling to, former interactions and behaviors that aren't good for the relationship. Worrying won't do the job...but creating a good plan and taking proactive action on it might be just what is needed. Don't let the worry creep in...let the plan be your focus.
We can move from being a person who worries to one who intentionally trains their brains how to deal with worrying thoughts effectively every time worry rears its head and tries to creep back into our thinking. We can consciously reframe our thinking to push out worry and focus on our plan of action.
There is a difference between worrying and planning, and it’s important to know that difference. Planning takes specific ideas or goals to move forward to address difficult situations and to let go of those over which we have no control. Worrying ruminates about everything that can go wrong but seldom makes a plan and never takes any action to address the situation, circumstances, or difficulty being faced. Worry doesn't face issues objectively. But planning does, as it sets up a method or ideas to move forward. Planning and taking action don't allow us to waste time wallowing in the "worry a lot but do nothing" trap.
Worrying is a hamster going in circles on its exercise wheel, spending a lot of energy, believing he is getting things done. It’s like the old saying, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It may give you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.”
Constant worrying makes us feel helpless and hopeless, builds anxiety, causes ulcers, heart disease, and high blood pressure, and harms our overall mental and physical health. It serves no purpose.
Replace worry with conviction to move forward with a plan, and then determine to "let go" of worry as you work on your plan. If that plan doesn’t work, then don’t worry about it! Make another plan, and another, as many plans as you need to resolve an issue. Sometimes the best plan is simply to let it go and move on in life. We are human and cannot, and will not, win 100% of the time. If we think we can or are, we are not living in reality.
Some ways to address worry effectively:
Make a plan and take action to implement the plan you've created as discussed above. Plans can be simple and easily achievable.
Meditate or pray. Focusing on spiritual values, teachings, and things we consider to be of beauty and that create peace. Meditating or praying can "calm" the mind. Yes, those walks on the beach, or in nature, and deep breathing and thinking about positive things do work!
Another way to address worry is exactly the opposite of quiet calmness. Instead of meditation or praying, get up and exercise! Our bodies will create natural anti-depressants, and they will help us fight off the physical agitation that worry brings.
Breathe! Take deep breaths, which refocuses your mind on breathing in and out, in and out. It calms our minds, slows our hearts, and allows us to think about other things.
Let it go! Some situations are completely out of our control, no matter how much we wish we could impact them or have a "do-over." Sometimes we just can’t, and we have to release worrying thoughts that serve no purpose but will harm us mentally, emotionally, and physically if we continue to focus on them. Those situations, defeats, or losses can become roadblocks to future success, but only if we allow them to become. If we "Let go" of them, they no longer carry the weight or have the power they once had over us. We may have to learn to quit being so hard on ourselves, or others, and look to and move forward in life.
Get a good night’s sleep! Turn off electronic equipment (computers, phones, TV, radios) at least one hour before going to be. If you are restless, take a warm bath to relax before bedtime, or if it helps, listen to relaxation tapes or relaxing music. Some people find that certain soaps, oils, or scents help them relax. Think of a happy mental picture of something relaxing and keep it in your mind.
When people constantly worry, whether it’s about one issue or overall thinking, it’s called "catastrophizing." (Meaning: everything is a catastrophe; doomed; sudden great harm or threat, momentous tragic event(s) ranging from extreme misfortune to utter overthrow or ruin, or "I always do the wrong thing." kind of thinking). This thinking is based on anxiety and fear, neither of which proves productive for life.
I want to share an excellent article: “Four Ways to Stop Imagining the Worst Will Happen,” from Patrica Riddell, Ph.D., professor of applied neuroscience, University of Reading. 7/18/2022. Article republished from The Conversation under Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
Dr. Riddell shared: “If you have a tendency to worry about worst-case scenarios, it's possible to get your brain on a different track. Imagine you have an interview for a new job tomorrow. Some people might think about what kind of questions they will be asked so that they can prepare or imagine the interview going well. For others, the thought of an interview will cause them to toss and turn all night, thinking of every worst-case scenario possible—no matter how outlandish these may be. If you’re someone who has a tendency to do the latter, you are prone to catastrophizing.
Catastrophizing is a tendency to assume the worst will happen when imagining a future situation—even if you have evidence that this is not the most likely outcome. People who like to feel in control (and are therefore intolerant of uncertainty) are more likely to catastrophize. This has been linked to anxiety—suggesting that frequent catastrophizing may be a factor in developing certain mental health problems.
Catastrophizing comes from the belief that by imagining what might go wrong, we’re better able to protect ourselves from harm—both physical and mental. However, this tendency is only helpful if you’re able to correctly predict what will happen in a certain situation and how it will make you feel.
As we imagine future events, we experience an emotional reaction to the story we are creating—and we use this response to determine how we will feel in the future. But this way of predicting the future is often wrong since we’re not able to imagine everything that might happen. This can lead to us creating the wrong emotional response for future situations in our heads.
But our belief in what will happen in the future can have a big influence on our behavior.
We may see the beauty of the sky's rainbow rather than only focusing on the rain.
People who are optimistic (and also realistic) about the future are more likely to be willing to try new things. They are also likely to notice what has gone well in new situations. On the flip side, people who catastrophize about what might go wrong are less likely to try new things. And, when they do try something new, they are more likely to notice what has gone wrong. This will be stored in their memory and will add to the reasons why we shouldn’t try new things in the future. As a result, catastrophizing can lead to undue stress and anxiety and may stop you from doing the things you might enjoy or learn from.
If you’re someone who tends to catastrophize when stressed or anxious, there are a few simple and very practical things that you can do to stop that anxious, stressed, worrying cycle.
1. Make decisions in the morning.
We often worry about the future at night. When we are asleep, activity in the rational part of our brain is reduced, and activity in the more emotional part of our brain is increased. As a result, we tend to use our emotional brain to picture the future when we’re awake at night. Lack of sleep can also make us more sensitive to things we see as threatening. This can lead us to focus more on what might go wrong and makes us more prone to catastrophizing.
It can be helpful to remind yourself that you are not thinking rationally when you’re lying awake worrying about something. It can also be useful to wait until the morning to make decisions when your brain is rested.
2. Teach your inner critic to be more compassionate!
Catastrophizing can be driven by our inner critic, which may use harsh language that makes us emotional.
When this happens, try imagining your inner critic as if you were looking through someone else’s eyes. What language do you use, and would you use this language when talking about someone else in a similar situation? Is the language your inner critic uses helpful or justified? Often the answer to these questions will be no. Be conscious of the language your inner critic is using when you’re worried or stressed. If it’s overly harsh, try to switch to a kinder way of speaking to yourself.
3. Make up a better story.
Even if things have gone wrong in the past, this is unlikely to be the case in the future—despite what we might tell ourselves. If you tend to catastrophize about future events, try to think instead about ways in which this event might go well, which may help you to feel less anxious.
Another strategy is to make up, not just one, but several plausible stories about something good that might happen. This may help to remind you that the stories you’re telling yourself are just that—stories. Choosing to focus on the stories with a positive outcome might also help you to feel less worried or stressed and even help you find some positive solutions or out-of-the-box outcomes.
4. Be kind to yourself!
Try to be more compassionate with yourself when considering your future. This is more difficult than you might imagine—even for people who are very compassionate and empathic to others.
Compassion and empathy evolved to help us to interact well with others. As such, compassion and empathy aren’t designed to be used for yourself. But small things—such as asking what advice you might give a friend in your situation—can help you to get in touch with your compassionate voice. Practicing this often may even help you to see solutions where you might otherwise have only focused on the problem.
Planning for ways in which things might go wrong in the future does serve a purpose—and that is to keep us safe. But if you often find that you catastrophize by thinking of all the worst-case scenarios—especially to the detriment of your mental health—it can be important to remind yourself that the things you’re worrying about may never happen, and, if they do, they will probably turn out much better than you think.”
When we instinctively move to worry about troubling times...what has happened, is happening, or what we believe may happen in the future, maybe it's time to retrain our brains and remind ourselves of Bobby McFerrin's important words. "When you worry, your face will frown and that will bring everyone down. In your life expect some trouble. When you worry, you make it double. Don't worry. Be happy." Listen to his song here: "Don't Worry. Be Happy."
Instead of focusing on worry, focus on gratitude (which also changes the brain, but in a positive way.) Write down the good things happening to you, even if you believe there are only a few right now. Then write the good things you are making plans to happen to you. Oftentimes those written thoughts, combined with a plan, will subconsciously lead you to positive thinking, which then leads to a more positive and happier life. Those writings may become self-fulfilling insights into what your life can or will become.
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