Gratitude is simple. It's being thankful, showing appreciation, and kindness. Gratitude focuses our time and attention on the positive, rather than seeking fault, maintaining anger or fear, or dwelling on the negative.
Gratitude has the added benefit of regulating stress hormones, which helps us control fear and anxiety. We can change our thinking, our lives, and those around us by using gratefulness in various, simple ways with wonderful results.
Learning to be grateful is a skill anyone can develop and expressing thankfulness changes our brain. It also helps us mentally, physically, and emotionally. It attracts others to us and makes our lives happier. (Who wants to spend time with a grumpy, negative person? Aren't we instead drawn to a person who is encouraging and has a positive attitude?)
It is possible to practice gratitude, even in difficult times and I'd like to share some tips that may change how you think about gratitude and thankfulness.
Developing Attitudes of Gratitude!
Gratitude is the subject of many self-help books discussing why thankfulness is important.
When we practice an “attitude of gratitude”, it essentially helps us consciously rewire our brains. It's a simple way we change our brain chemistry to improve our psychological and physical health and to create a happier life for ourselves. This is not just wishful thinking. It is an achievable action.
Positive thinking will not fix every problem we experience. It won’t, and I'm not saying, “If you are unhappy, you are not being thankful enough". No person will not be happy all the time. However, shaking up your paradigm, or “the way you think about life, the universe, and everything else,” can be a powerful tool in personally taking the steps necessary to improve health and life in general. The great thing is that anyone can begin the process by themself at any time.
Gratitude is the quality of being thankful, being ready to show appreciation for, and returning kindness. Living with gratitude means focusing your time and attention on things to be thankful for rather than searching for, focusing on, or seeking fault.
Humans cannot think of two things at the same time so focusing on being grateful leaves little room to maintain anger, fear, or dwell on the negative.
While mindfulness of the negative can be necessary for seeking improvement, focusing exclusively on the negative can (and will) lead to harmful feelings like depression, anger, and hatred.
Mindfully practicing gratitude boosts mood, improves health, and bolsters relationships. Negativism will weigh the body down and cause sleep disruption, racing thoughts, anxiety, ulcers, and high blood pressure. Positivity will help create happiness, better health, and better sleep patterns, serving as encouragement to us and others. Happy people attract others. Negative people tend to repel other people.
Gratitude does this by rewiring the brain. Contemplating what you are grateful for fosters cognitive restructuring, how you conceptualize your life, what happens to you, and your interactions with the world. Our ability to learn is based on the context of what we have learned before. Gratitude provides a context to evaluate our resources to solve our problems.
Gratitude enhances dopamine and serotonin, the "happiness neurotransmitters" in the brain. Gratitude also has the added benefit of regulating stress hormones, which help us control fear and anxiety.
"Research has shown that regular gratitude practice can lead to lasting changes in the brain's structure and function, a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. Through repeated engagement with gratitude, we manage and control the power to reshape neural pathways associated with negative thinking patterns, paving the way for a more positive outlook on life." (theMindMender.net)
Consider how a small slight can negatively impact your whole day. Now, that’s a normal stress response. That’s “the standard,” of how our brains are programmed to react to negative stimuli. We have to train our brains to do the same for positive stimuli.
What if we gave more attention to the good things that happened during our day? Affirm the good things you receive. Acknowledge the role that other people play in bringing good into your life.
Gratitude is a conscious decision that can become an unconscious part of our lives with enough practice, like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. Initially, you may have to list the things you are grateful for, consciously reminding yourself to be mindful of the good. With practice, gratitude can become second nature, it will become easier the more we practice gratitude to begin to rewire the brain and to be thankful, and it will help a lot.
It will not, however, fix your problems. It will help you push through negative stressors as you fix your problems. Gratitude can help bring comfort, a chance to recenter and refocus your efforts, and reasons to keep fighting. Gratitude is a tool for self-improvement, more than a magic trick.
Other benefits of gratitude include strengthening the immune system, improving sleep patterns, feeling optimistic and experiencing more joy and pleasure, being more helpful and generous, becoming more empathetic of others, and feeling less lonely and isolated. Gratitude helps foster empathy, strengthening your ability to relate to others. Being aware of the good things all around you helps you avoid taking those good things for granted. It creates a focused appreciation that wasn't present previously. Gratitude is the opposite of resentment.
So how do you practice gratitude? It’s actually really easy! We’ve included many examples below; you don’t have to follow every gratitude suggestion. Find what works for you, whatever you can do consistently daily, and then do it, making it become a habit. It will change your life.
Keep a gratitude journal. When journaling, be specific. Observe and be mindful of your world. How often do you express thankfulness? The act of handwriting (journaling) your thoughts and discoveries is another tool to help train your brain. When we journal, it makes our brain slow down (as it matches the speed of our writing). This creates deeper attention and focus, while also allowing the brain to analyze and address the issue we are addressing. Journaling also is a way to get creative, tap into our brain's strengths, and problem-solve or find solutions.
And the bonus is that journaling also helps us retain ideas, solutions, and thoughts at a much higher rate than just 'thinking about it' or typing it digitally.
To reinforce gratitude to an even greater extent through journaling, if you read your journaling aloud, it simply further reinforces your concepts in your memory!
Wow! "Think-Journal-Read" (speak) is like a triple play for the brain! It's so powerful, that we've even written books about it because we believe so strongly in the power of gratitude mixed with journaling! (Check out FullerPublishing.com) for multiple gratitude journals and "dad" and "mom" journals of gratitude written to their children or adult children. Even if you don't initially journal, the many quotes in the books will inspire you.)
Do you feel appreciation, or are you just going through the motions? Take the extra time to let your mind acknowledge gratitude. Or maybe you would instead write thank you notes or voice your gratitude to others. Being active and specific in thanking others can mean the world to them.
Remember the bad. Remember how far you’ve come. It is essential to acknowledge the negative and the good ways things have changed. Maybe you were in a bad relationship, and you finally got out. Don’t forget to be grateful to yourself and appreciate your strengths. Don’t beat yourself up for the errors of the past. Appreciate what you have learned and the character qualities you have developed. Thank the people who helped you along the way.
Use sensory reminders to cue gratitude. Does a particular image evoke feelings of gratitude? Does a special painting, photograph, or desktop sculpture have meaning to you? Keep that image close at hand. Do certain smells, like cinnamon, hot chocolate, or smells of turkey and dressing baking make you feel a sense of contentment? Surround yourself with those smells. Savor your environment. If you find your environment hard to savor, change it!
The change doesn’t even have to be big; it can be as simple as taking time to look at nature. Check out those trees; look at how the light tracks through the leaves. Isn’t that cool? Doesn’t the sun feel nice? Doesn’t it feel great to get back inside in the cool shade? The fan is amazing, and you can rejoice in the feeling of the air dancing on your skin. Maybe you feel more content when holding a hot beverage, the smell, the steam, and the mug’s warmth. Do that. Create little moments of joy in your day, and you can learn.
Be aware of how you talk about your life and others. Are you taking time to acknowledge the good? Share your gratitude with others. Saying a simple “thank you” can brighten someone else’s day. A hug for kindnesses shown can be an important and spontaneous expression of gratitude. Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships! Everyone wants to feel appreciated. That is a gift you can give.
“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." (Ralph Marston)
Always tell people thank you when they do something for you or show kindness. Remind yourself of the good. None of us enjoy being around angry, gripey, discontented people.
You can also fake it until you make it. Even if you're struggling right now, facing depression, or anxious, go through the motions of expressing gratitude. Even if you don’t feel it, practicing the motions of gratitude will begin to evoke those feelings in the longer term. What will surprise you is that when you do this, your mind will begin to change, and you will begin to see good where you never knew it existed before. Positivity will slowly begin to overshadow the negative. That simply means a happier life, no matter the circumstances being faced. Research has shown that gratitude does improve mental health and physical health.
Have you heard about 'gratitude fatigue'? What is it? It is the unrealistic pressure to feel gratitude no matter what. That unrealistic expectation is not what gratitude is all about.
Gratitude does not ignore reality; but it still finds good even in the bad, difficult, or overwhelming situations of life. Gratitude acknowledges that both bad and good exist, but how you react to those issues determines their impact on you.
During the pandemic, some marriages grew stronger as couples worked together to get through the time, while other marriages faced difficulty and some even fell apart. Some students grew academically because they focused on their studies, even in dire circumstances, while other students fell behind. Some homes fell into disrepair, while other homeowners decided to use that time to make needed repairs that they hadn't had time to make previously. Some felt the isolation and loneliness deeply while others wrote books, called friends to stay in touch, watched funny movies, or caught up on projects they'd wanted to complete for years.
What made the difference? A big part of it was the mindset of the people involved. Did they focus on gratitude, even while isolated? Did they try to turn a negative situation into the best possible...and even laugh at the steps they tried and the outcomes? Did they focus on fear, anxiety, blame, anger, or dissatisfaction? The philosopher, Epictetus said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has." He knew the value of a focused mindset of gratitude.
Think about a piece of paper with a red dot on it. What do you notice? Our brains will immediately notice the red dot, not the millions of white dots forming the background of the page of paper. With gratitude, we would recognize both as we look for the good, or hidden, that we hadn't noticed before.
We choose how we think. Even though our brains are made in such a way that we can juggle multiple tasks at what appears to be the same time, we cannot focus on both good and bad (positive and negative) at the same time. We must choose one or the other.
Some things we do instinctively after many times, or even years, of repetition. This may include driving a car, instinctively braking when a deer runs in front of us, or seeing a red stoplight. But having too many distractions hamper our ability to focus, such as texting, drinking while driving, or being distracted by other riders or an unfamiliar route or traffic.
We repeat behaviors so they become and feel instinctive. The military knows this and that's why they have boot camps and drill maneuvers, so reactions become 'instinctive' and can save a soldier's life. It's why we have fire drills in schools. In the same way, we can practice gratitude, so it becomes a habit, not a burden or challenge. It can become part of who we are. Dr. Robert Holden has noted that “The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.”
Consider this metaphor: we can choose to look at the world as a glass of water 'half full' rather than a glass 'half empty'. The truth, the reality, is that the glass is filled with water halfway...equally empty and full. The half-full thinking figuratively quenches our thirst, refreshes us, and makes us happy whereas the half-empty represents negativism, fear, dissatisfaction, hesitancy, or refusal of the water available right in front of us.
Gratitude sees the water right in front of us. It sees the good right in front of us. It sees the hidden and obvious things, people, and experiences we have to be thankful for all the time.
In the book, "Man's Search for Meaning", Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychologist, and Holocaust survivor describes man's search for meaning in life even through or after catastrophic life events. What made some people imprisoned during the holocaust survive, while others gave up emotionally and physically, or became extremely bitter in life? It was their attitude. Survivors who went on to recover and live rewarding lives developed an attitude of hope and gratitude for even the smallest of things they could see or discover during that difficult time. They felt gratitude for the community of support they created among each other, even though imprisoned and treated abdominally. Their mindsets and community helped them get through the horrors they saw and encountered firsthand. Hope and gratitude are powerful tools of life that each of us have, or can develop, within ourselves!
As you begin to see good in yourself and others and to feel and express gratitude, think outside the box. You can have gratitude for weird things. Maybe you appreciate the spider in the tree spinning its web. Perhaps you like the way that color looks great on you, even if it's not the trending color. Maybe you appreciate your crooked nose or uneven ears because they make you a one-of-a-kind unique character. Maybe you appreciate your older car that has dents, dings, and memories of many road trips with your dog and friends. Comedian Steve Martin once said, "If you start looking for the good things in your life, you just might be surprised at how many of them you really have."
You can also find out-of-the-box ways to express your gratitude. Please don’t limit yourself because of convention… your life experience is unique, and it’s good to be grateful for things nobody else does or for which others don't appear grateful.
Meditate on gratitude. Our actions and words reflect how we think about the world. When we keep thankfulness in the forefront of our minds, we feel happier and have an easier time sharing that happiness with others. Do not wait to just mindlessly feel gratitude. Having gratitude requires us to be active in being mindful of the world around us.
Seek inspiration. Maybe you’re having a particularly rough time, and it’s hard to feel gratitude. Actively seek out the good. Look up feel-good stories or reach out to a friend. Value your friendships and other connections.
Read materials that lift your mood. Get outdoors or exercise, even if it's just stretching.
Not every burden is yours to bear. Pick your battles… and if possible, return a few to the shelf. You don't have to fight every battle or react to every attack or challenge. You don't have to volunteer for every committee or event. Being overwhelmed often makes us forget to be grateful, but we are often in control more than we realize. You can pick and choose a better life balance in life and work and be grateful you had opportunities but also grateful you let go of some of them.
Sometimes you can walk away, or shift focus to other more important things in life and be grateful you did.
It is easier to practice and experience the benefits of gratitude if you have taken the necessary steps to take care of yourself. You cannot help others if you do not help yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Get some sleep, find something enjoyable to be thankful for, and be kind to yourself. Be grateful for who you have fought so hard to become. Take time for yourself. Take time for the simple joys of life.
“Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it grows and the more power you have to use it on your behalf. If you do not practice gratefulness, its benefaction will go unnoticed, and your capacity to draw on its gifts will be diminished. To be grateful is to find blessings in everything. This is the most powerful attitude to adopt, for there are blessings in everything." (Alan Cohen)
As you walk through your day today, begin to take small steps to see, feel, and express gratitude in your life...toward yourself, others, small things, and the good things in your life.
“When gratitude becomes an essential foundation in our lives, miracles start to appear everywhere." (Emmanuel Dalgher)
Footnote: Watch for current and upcoming publications from FullerPublishing.com on gratitude as a tool to change your (& other people's) lives. Includes yearly journals, A Dad's 30-day journal to his child, A Mother's 30-day journal to her child, and journals for teens, young adults, and adults.
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